Pantomime Xenophobia
by Nutty Nerd
Summary: It was an act, really.  It hadn't meant anything in a long time.  They kept the facade for their entertainment.


"Frog!"

"Rosbif!"

"Cheese-eating surrender monkey!"

"Sourcils!"

They were at it again, France and England. Fighting at world meetings was customary, and today was no exception.

China had the misfortune of sitting near the bickering European countries. "Aiyah! Why do those two fight all the time?" he asked the man sitting next to him, clearly exasperated.

"They have always fought," Japan replied in his usual emotionless voice. The pair of Asian countries let their small conversation fade into silence as they looked on at France and England, who had started throwing punches at each other.

"Hey, whatcha guys lookin' at?" America popped up between China and Japan, resting his elbows on the table and leaning in.

"We're contemplating the eternal hatred between France and England," Japan answered, undisturbed by the man's intrusion. China said nothing, merely turning his head slightly to eye America with a hint of annoyance and distrust in his eyes.

"Yeah, those guys always fight," America grinned. "Ever since I met 'em, they've fought."

When he received no comment, he added, "I've heard it's not real though."

"Oh, really?" China asked, his interest sparking.

America nodded. "They've known each since, like, the caveman days," he replied with an uncharacteristic seriousness in his voice.

Before China could point out the impossibility of that statement—even he hadn't been around for _that_ long—Japan interrupted. "They certainly have known each other for a long time," he agreed.

"Yeah, and since they always try to hurt each other, it means they like each other." America said.

Japan nodded. France and England glared daggers at the other as they were being dragged away from their spat by Spain and Canada respectively.

"France and England are grown men though, not school children. To show their affection to the other, they wouldn't try to harm the other," China pointed out.

"That's not true," America shook his head furiously. "It just means they're not admitting to their true feelings."

Japan and China looked up at America curiously, surprised that he uttered such a profound phrase.

"That's what Lizzy told me," America shrugged.

The mention of the Hungarian nation explained a lot. "Elizaveta always speculates things like that," Japan said.

"Well, look at what happened to me and Natalya," America replied.

The room seemed to darken at that comment. Japan and China shivered involuntarily. America, oblivious to the atmosphere, glanced in the direction of Belarus. He waved at her. She looked up at him and flashed a brief, small smile before returning to her stony expression.

America sighed dreamily. "When I first talked to her, she sprayed a can of pepper spray in my face." He grinned at the memory. "But I didn't stop. I kept talking to her, even though she threatened to kill me a few times and attempted to do it, too."

Japan briefly wondered what had happened to America as a child to make him so dense as to not even let attempted murders deter him from approaching a girl. He was a combination of bravery and stupidity, Japan concluded.

"Anyways, Natalya finally agreed to going on a date with me," America continued. "And the rest is history..." he trailed off.

China cleared his throat. "So you think because your girlfriend tried to kill you and now you're together means that all of France's and England's spats are out of denial?"

"Yep," America smiled broadly at his conclusions.

China sighed again. Those western countries were so thick-headed at times. He let his gaze return to France and England, who had resumed their physical fight with the combined efforts of Spain, Monaco, Canada, and Australia trying to pry them away.

"Aw jeez, they're not getting anywhere," America looked up at the fight. He dashed over to help them and, with a single strong tug, managed to pull England off of France.

"Thank you, Alfred," England replied primly, brushing himself off.

Even though he was being held back by Spain and Monaco, France chuckled.

"You needed l'Amerique to help you, lapin," He replied with his ever-present smirk. "How sad."

England sneered, "You needed a girl, frog."

"Why you—"

"Amigo, he's not worth it," Spain consoled his seething friend. "Just leave him alone."

With one last searing glare, France jerked out of Spain's and Monaco's grasps. He huffed and stormed out of the room. Spain hurried after him, calling out, "Francis, wait!"

"Damn drama queen frog," England scoffed.

"Hey Artie, do you like France?" America asked casually.

"What the bloody hell!"

Japan and Canada ended up dragging an unconscious America out of the room. Who knew England could punch that hard?

* * *

><p>"What are you reading, Arthur?"<p>

France sat across from England at the café table, his coffee steaming in front of him.

England looked up and took a sip of his tea before answering. "Some Poe."

"Wasn't he American?" France asked, a grin tugging at the ends of his mouth.

"Just because he's American doesn't mean he's a bad poet," England snorted. "Sometimes I wish he was mine just so I had the bragging rights."

France raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow before taking a sip of his coffee. The pair sat in comfortable silence before England closed his book with a satisfying thump and placed it on the table. He looked directly into France's blue eyes. "Should we tell them?" He asked with a slightly pleading tone in his voice.

"And ruin the fun?" France retorted with a mischievous grin.

England met him grin for grin. "Very true. We should let them figure it out on their own."

"Have you heard any of the speculations?"

England nodded. "Alfred asked me if I liked you after you left today."

"What did you say?" France said with earnest.

"I punched him in the face," England leaned back in his chair with a satisfied grin.

France chuckled. "Well done, Arthur. How hard did you punch him?"

"Enough to knock him down with one swing."

France clapped his hands softly and smiled. "I never knew you had it in you."

England rolled his eyes. "Are you forgetting I was once the pirate terror of the seven seas?"

France shook his head. "How can I forget all of the times you captured and later ravaged me?" A perverse grin spread on his face.

"Oh shut up," England rolled his eyes again, but also smiled. "Honestly, sometimes I believed you wanted to be captured just so you could have sex with me."

"I still do." France winked and laughed again.

"Damn frog," England blushed and returned his attention back to his tea. It had gone from pleasantly hot to lukewarm. England threw the rest of the contents in a nearby potted plant in disgust.

"Maybe we will tell them," France murmured softly, looking toward the street.

"Yeah, maybe," England smiled. He held France's hand and squeezed it tightly.

France turned and looked into England's happily shimmering green eyes. He smiled and nodded.

"Yes, and someday soon."

* * *

><p>AN: Okay, I need to give a proper Author's Note now. So, this is the first story in about... five months ^u^" I'm on a fluffy FrUK kick currently, so there'll be more flufftastic stories~ I hope you enjoyed this. Thanks to RuggedIndividual for beta reading this story (she's so nice...). Any help with grammar, spelling, etc. that has been missed is appreicated :D I don't own Hetalia.

-Nutty Nerd


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